Scratting about here, in my mind, deep on the base line,
Thinking about past decisions,
Some so disastrous, I’m still living them down.
I wondered if other decisions could have been made.
If there had been other ways forward.
Alternatives hanging around,
Keeping so quiet,
My mind skittered straight past them.
Of course there were alternatives.
I can see them now as clearly
As if they were dressed in moonlight.
Yet I would not change the one I have chosen,
The one with no guarantee of a happy-ever-after ending.
Everyone had an opinion, a snippet of advice
That said I was blind to the obvious and stupid with it
That I would be a long time regretting,
A life time resenting the whole of it.
That’s what they said. Let them say it.
For now all those words are forgotten,
Dry tongues clacking on empty time
Where clocks and promises,
Fears and threats are dead and gone.
But I am here, still full of quiet excitement
And blind to all but the tip of desire,
To all but the calling loveliness of desire and passion.
I went forward as I always meant to,
Nothing could stop me, halt me or deflect me,
For in amongst the darkness,
In amongst the fearful nights,
In amongst the doubts and bitter confusion,
I grasped glory and ran with it to its own conclusion.
To this scratting about in my mind, deep on the base line,
Always glad of that deaf and blind decision.
© GWEN GRANT