Growing older and having survived cancer at 40, a long time ago, certainly focuses the mind on the future and I was very aware of this when I wrote the poem FUTURE TENSE. I've always loved writing and still remember the excitement of the first longer piece of work I did. It was very experimental and I was certain it wouldn't get published. It probably wouldn't have but one of the small magazines, who did such great work for new writers, took that piece and many others. But that wasn't all they did. With infinite kindness, they often pointed out where I could improve my writing.
My first book was a picture book, MATTHEW AND HIS MAGIC KITE, but after that, I started wanting to capture the humour and interest of where I lived, so PRIVATE-KEEP OUT came next followed by KNOCK AND WAIT and ONE WAY ONLY. They're not biographies because all I wanted to do was to catch the spirit of those times.
It would be good if everyone wrote an account of their lives so their times are not lost. So many valuable histories unwritten and unread.
When I was a girl, I loved the American writer, BETTY MACDONALD, with her very funny accounts of her family and her life in the 1940's. But NORMAN MAILER's, 'THE NAKED AND THE DEAD' spun me up to the stars when I stumbled across it in the subscription library I belonged to at fifteen. ERNEST HEMINGWAY's 'CHRISTMAS IN PARIS 1923', was so sublime and beautiful it was like a torch for writers and the Toronto Star Weekly must have published it with joy in their hearts. I wonder if there still is a Toronto Star Weekly?
Impossible as it seems now, when I was a child and very poorly, I was sent to an Open Air School 300 and more miles from where I lived. All the little girls, including me, slept in Wards with windows wide open every night and had a routine which was totally, utterly foreign to me. I was a Northerner in the midst of Southerners and absolutely everything was different. You were discouraged from crying and it still physically hurts when I cry now. However, because of that school, I’m here to tell the tale! I wrote a book about that year there, KNOCK AND WAIT, which is the second book in my trilogy PRIVATE-KEEP OUT, KNOCK AND WAIT and ONE WAY ONLY, the book I wrote when I got back home. PRIVATE- KEEP OUT is available on PENGUIN Children’s Classics.
THE SCHOOL I WAS SENT TO
The first time I saw the school I had been sent to, I thought it was a school for witches, For the great house leaning against the forest Was dark as night. With only its snaggle toothed windows blazing in the moonlight.
Of course, it wasn’t a school for witches. They only visited. Swooping in through the open tops of windows On their broomsticks, Trying to make out they were the shadows of trees. Bumping to a stop in the middle of the dormitory, Where nothing could move them.
Nothing, that is, until Sister Sweet came crackling in, All fiery with starch and bad temper. Her purple hands so big, entire cities were built on her palms. She made them shift. The only thing I ever had Sister Sweet to thank for, In the whole year I spent at that school I was sent to.
Last night, in the middle of the push of heat, I found myself thinking about the Japanese Maple we bought years and years ago to plant in our then garden. I could almost feel that frost settling on this lovely tree. Then, in the Spring, it came into glorious red and gold and green life. This tree carried its own gifts with it which last for ever in the thankful mind.
JAPANESE MAPLE
Japanese Maple, A long way From your own country, Facing the cold blue night, Snow dusting Your lovely shoulders. The Autumn sun Long since forgotten.
The old girl said she has always maintained That it isn’t only the immediate pain Of failed relationships and even gently worse dramas, It was the acquired pain of never seeming to do anything right, That had a terrible, wearying energy To trouble and torment, to hurt and to bite.
So that even when she was at home, door closed and locked behind her, That old fraud, Failure, sneaked in through the letterbox. Not sneakily enough, though, for she could always hear that metal mouth clicking, Mimicking the arrival of an excellent invitation, Even whilst spitting one more disaster into the pockets of her mind Where she found it did what it was meant to do, Snipping chunks off her, only leaving an arm and leg behind, Plus its own spiteful mouth that fed on her disasters and fiascos.
She had plenty of experience, claiming as a serious work attempt, Her lists and paintings, her songs and riffs of guitar As a legitimate and generous employment.
The old girl frowned as she surveyed the wreckage behind her, And the very uncertain structure of the future in front of her. Aware that some prosperous bodies (they know who they are), Would claim her entire existence a train crash of gargantuan proportions, Whilst others, (she knows who they are), would maintain any created creations Tumbles such so-called disasters to Lilliputian dimensions.
‘Well,’ the old girl scowled, irritably surveying it all, Glaring at her life story, hating every word printed in Bold, Or in the margins palely loitering.
Well,’ she said again, then recklessly seized by a fit of giggles, Tore the wretched thing up. At the last minute pulling from her pocket A wisp of yellow chiffon, which, scented with a really weird incense, Blew the whole kit-and-caboodle out of existence. Good riddance.
Last Thursday? That was the very hot day When the wood pigeon laid down on the grass To rest. Wisely turning its head from side to side, Watching for magpies And for crows, Knowing that if they spot him He’ll have to move fast, Unfurling his wings and ready for flight In an instant.
For these killer birds, Given half a chance Will peck him to death. Unpicking his feathery body Until it lay all around him on the baking grass. Dove grey feathers dotted with blood Lying silent in the hot sun. His agony fading in the morning air.
This small bird is careful Not to let that happen to him. Taking off the moment the long dark leaves On the Cherry tree begin to shake. Hiding the unfriendly presence That has already landed With its iron beak and deadly intentions.
So that’s him gone then, Soaring into the sun, His wings almost the colour of rain, Vanishing into the trees in the summery distance.